The answer might surprise you.
Even though you’ve asked him multiple times not to, your husband left the kitchen cabinets open... again! And does he really have to leave a trail of socks everywhere?
Cue the seemingly never-ending nagging. Why does it feel like everything your husband does irritates you? You wind up feeling terrible, and so does he. And resentment starts to build.
If your husband's annoying behaviors are getting on your last nerve — and his bad habits don't seem to be changing, no matter what you say, try or do — don't let your irritation get the best of you.
No matter how frustrated or exasperated you might feel, all is not lost! You're just in stuck mode.
You’ve tried gentle reminders,“check-ins” and ultimately, you started analyzing your tone of voice and your style of approach. You’ve even stepped it up and tried positive reinforcement and baked him his favorite lasagna or cookies, but nothing changed. Why?
Whenever you make him the entire focus of your expectations for sustainable change, it won’t work!
Even when you changed your approach, the goal was to get him to change: how he behaves, how he consistently forgets things, or how he disappoints you, over and over.
The more you try to control the outcome, the more annoyed and overwhelmed or angry and resentful you start to feel.
The bottom line is, you have to stop expecting him to change! That's why, in order to fix your husband's annoying bad habits and stop feeling so irritated with him, it's not about…
Divorce is a legal, emotional, psychological, physical, financial and a spiritual journey.
It impacts you at all levels. It’s hard core reality without any sugar coating.
No one plans on divorcing when they first marry. Some might say: “It just happened!”
They kind of refer to it as if the marriage propelled itself automatically without any input from either them or their partner.
That only works if you’re in denial and you’ve decided not to own your part of it.
Perhaps this is the time to hit the pause button and take a look back and see how you got to this space and place in time. Did you see it running towards you? Or, did it sneak up on you when you least expected?
Either way, you never thought this would be your life!
You’ve heard the horror stories, you’ve got friends, relatives and TV Celebrities to tell you all about it. You’re in shock, you’re confused and you can’t stop crying!
Going to work seems impossible, because you can’t focus. At night when you’re alone, or when you’re in the shower, you find yourself trembling with fear. Life feels like it’s one big cookie crumble.…
It actually comes down to: How much arguing? What kind of arguing?
Actually, a little arguing is a good sign, much better than zero arguing. WHY? An occasional argument just indicates that you’re two separate people with your own perspective and opinion. So, an argument here and there is not a danger sign, rather a sign of healthy individuality.
An exception to that would be if you’re in a new relationship and right off the bat, you argue. Without having a looking glass, you have to figure out if this is the foreplay to a long relationship of increasing tension, unhappiness and arguments about almost everything due to a mismatch of core values between you (money, education, kids, socialization, etc.)? Or, is it an adjustment period of two loving partners getting to know each other early in the relationship?
Zero fighting needs a closer look. If you’ve been married for decades with ups and downs and now you’re both in the golden years, you know each other very well, and understand those triggers and differences. You’ve reached that special place where you love each other despite each other’s idiosyncrasies.
However, if you’re early on in a relationship and you never fight, that could be a red flag. Do you get really frustrated or angry but find yourself stuffing it to appease your partner? At the very least, If you don’t speak up it could be a prescription for future resentments, unhappiness or poor health.
MARRIAGE AND STRESS ARE INSEPARABLE: SEVEN EASY STEPS TOWARDS FIXING IT!
Couples across cultures and continents, race and religions, economics and demographics all experience the same human emotion when faced with challenges in their primary intimate relationship. It feels like nothing ever gets resolved, the dance just keeps repeating itself. It’s the merry-go-round of pain, misunderstanding, hurtful words and blame that gets uglier with each turn of the wheel.
NAME YOUR STRESS
The biggest stressor is prolonged, chronic stress! Take your pick: depression by one or both partners, long term illness, work stress, money stress, problems with children, addictions, blended families, co-parenting issues (not unified in your parenting style), it seems all consuming at times.
A very common yet significant issue for couples is core value differences. When you first met him, he seemed so interesting and enticing (opposites attract), but after the romance faded, it turned out to be a disconnect between each of your core values: education, how to raise your children, travelling, money, marital roles and responsibilities, religion and more.
These are BIG ticket items when it comes to maintaining a long-term marriage with someone.
Shared core values: Honesty, Trust, Communication is the key equalizer to a stronger healthier happier marriage. Is this the guy who judged you or made negative comments about your core beliefs or how you…
How Would You Define It: Who? What? When? Why? How?
Of those five questions after you sort through the ‘who’ and the ‘what’, the most important question to ask yourself is: “How am I going to cope with this right now?” Once you know who, and what and when, asking why might help you resolve it in your mind for a minute. However, for the long-term, despite whatever happened, you know it now and you need to start coping now! Did you know that people can stay stuck in “why” for decades?
Your Struggle is Real and Emotions Run Deep.
Challenges ebb and flow in life both negatively and positively. The emotions that flow with it are always the same. They ebb negatively into desperation, fear, resentment, anger, sadness, overwhelmed and then they flow gradually into joy, appreciation and more.
It can be a onetime event, or a long drawn out battle. If you do nothing, the ramifications of those challenges can stick around for decades! Whether you freeze in the moment or you act impulsively, you’re still impacted by How you choose to cope, or not.
HOW? This is The Key! How Do You Cope?
You can decide to cope with this problem in a healthy way: Exercise (walk, run, bicycle, take an exercise class). Make sure you sleep well, see a professional counselor, meditate, start a yoga class, or pray. Whatever you do make it something…