Where Did The Real Me Go? Am I Trapped in the Arms of Mr. Sociopath? 

You fell for Mr. Wonderful, but after you settled down with him, things changed — and not for the better. He made you think things were going one way, and you just wound up going along with it until you got stuck where you are, and don't know how to get back out again.

It feels like you woke up from a terrible dream... until you realized you’re actually living the nightmare.

What’s happening here? Did you open your eyes and say to yourself: “Who is this guy anyway?” Do you keep thinking that this is not the same guy you
married?


You’re Absolutely Right!

Remember when you made a vow to yourself that your marriage wouldn’t be like your best friend’s marriage? It was that day that she called you in tears to tell you that her Mr. Wonderful of 8 years (high school and college), put a ring on her finger, married her and then beat her on their honeymoon! You were speechless, shocked and helpless to help her.

You almost didn’t believe her, but then you reminded yourself that this was your BEST FRIEND!
You’ve known them as a couple for all of that time and you couldn’t remember any signs that it was anything but good love between them. How is that possible?

For you, it was going to be different. It was love at first site! It was magical!

 IT WAS FANTASTIC!

He was definitely Mr. Charismatic! He oozed charm to you (and all the other women). You couldn’t help but want to love him, because that’s how he makes you feel.

Then, one day when you turned around, they stopped coming over? Now that you think about it, no one comes over anymore. You don’t go anywhere that he doesn’t want…

Read more: Where Did The Real Me Go? Am I Trapped in the Arms of Mr. Sociopath? 

man stalking her

The good news is that by reading this article you are courageously taking the first big step to helping yourself reclaim your life back from the misery you’ve been living. You feel alone because you keep this part of your life hidden from those who love you the most. You’re frightened because you’ve lost a big part of who you used to be before you met and married Mr. Right.

Everyday you wonder if it’s even possible to pick up the pieces of your life again. It seems like you’re emotionally and physically exhausted all the time. You’re confused one minute and angry the next, but mostly you feel guilty, like you’re worthless and no one else will love you.

TRY LIVING IN YOUR SHOES FOR 5 MINUTES

It’s completely natural for anyone to feel what you’re feeling and to think what you are thinking right now! Someone else living in your shoes would think and feel exactly the same way! That’s because Mr. Right is re-orchestrating your life: controlling what you feel (like you’re a loser), persuading what you think (that it’s your fault), and dictating how you should act (to do it perfect next time—to please him).

WHAT EXACTLY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT?

According to Dr. John M. Grohol, founder and CEO of PsychCentral, both terms: “Sociopathic” and “Psychopathic” are pop psychology terms for what psychiatry labels as: Antisocial Personality Disorder. His comparative analysis identifies commonalities both types share that fall under the label of ‘Antisocial’, (primarily males demonstrating a pattern of disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others with the central features being deceit…

Read more: What To Do If You’re Married To A Sociopath (& You Just Now Realized It).

couple in the rain laughing

The answer might surprise you. 

Even though you’ve asked him multiple times not to, your husband left the kitchen cabinets open... again! And does he really have to leave a trail of socks everywhere? 

Cue the seemingly never-ending nagging. Why does it feel like everything your husband does irritates you? You wind up feeling terrible, and so does he. And resentment starts to build.

If your husband's annoying behaviors are getting on your last nerve — and his bad habits don't seem to be changing, no matter what you say, try or do — don't let your irritation get the best of you.

No matter how frustrated or exasperated you might feel, all is not lost! You're just in stuck mode.

You’ve tried gentle reminders, Saturday “check-ins” and ultimately, you started analyzing your tone of voice and your style of approach. You’ve even stepped it up and tried positive reinforcement and baked him his favorite lasagna or cookies, but nothing changed. Why?

Whenever you make him the entire focus of your expectations for sustainable change, it won’t work!

Even when you changed your approach, the goal was to get him to change: how he behaves, how he consistently forgets things, or how he disappoints you, over and over.

The more you try to control the outcome, the more annoyed and overwhelmed or angry and resentful you start to feel.

The bottom line is, you have to stop expecting him to change! That's why, in order to fix your husband's annoying bad habits and stop feeling so irritated with him, it's not about keeping score —…

Read more: What To Do When Everything Your Husband Does Annoys You

divorcing

Divorce is a legal, emotional, psychological, physical, financial and a spiritual journey.

It impacts you at all levels. It’s hard core reality without any sugar coating.

Despite the fact that millennials wait longer to marry after completing an education and launching careers compared to past generations, divorce is still hitting at about 40% of first-time marriages. Regardless of your age, gender or what sociological factors drove to stand at the altar, (parental expectations, religion, financial security, children, or societal pressures), it remains a huge life altering transition that impacts all aspects of your life.  

No one plans on divorcing when they first marry. Some might say: “It just happened!”

They kind of refer to it as if the marriage propelled itself automatically without any input from either them or their partner.

 

That only works if you’re in denial and you’ve decided not to own your part of it.

 

Perhaps this is the time to hit the pause button and take a look back and see how you got to this space and place in time. Did you see it running towards you? Or, did it sneak up on you when you least expected?

 

Either way, you never thought this would be your life!

 

You’ve heard the horror stories, you’ve got friends, relatives and TV Celebrities to tell you all about it. You’re in shock, you’re confused and you can’t stop crying!

 

Going to work seems impossible, because you can’t focus. At night when you’re alone, or when you’re in the shower, you find yourself trembling with fear. Life feels like it’s one big cookie crumble.…

Read more: How to Survive a Divorce When You Didn’t See It Coming! (Or Maybe You Just Didn’t Want to Believe It!)

SILOETTE OF COUPLE ARGUING

It actually comes down to: How much arguing? What kind of arguing?

 

HOW MUCH?
Actually, a little arguing is a good sign, much better than zero arguing. WHY? An occasional argument just indicates that you’re two separate people with your own perspective and opinion. So, an argument here and there is not a danger sign, rather a sign of healthy individuality.

An exception to that would be if you’re in a new relationship and right off the bat, you argue. Without having a looking glass, you have to figure out if this is the foreplay to a long relationship of increasing tension, unhappiness and arguments about almost everything due to a mismatch of core values between you (money, education, kids, socialization, etc.)? Or, is it an adjustment period of two loving partners getting to know each other early in the relationship?

 ZERO  FIGHTING  

Zero fighting needs a closer look. If you’ve been married for decades with ups and downs and now you’re both in the golden years, you know each other very well, and understand those triggers and differences. You’ve reached that special place where you love each other despite each other’s idiosyncrasies.

However, if you’re early on in a relationship and you never fight, that could be a red flag.  Do you get really frustrated or angry but find yourself stuffing it to appease your partner? At the very least, If you don’t speak up it could be a prescription for future resentments, unhappiness or poor health.

Never having an argument could also be a symptom that one or both of you are checked out. It takes too much…

Read more: HOW MUCH FIGHTING IN A RELATIONSHIP IS TOO MUCH FIGHTING?