You fell for Mr. Wonderful, but after you settled down with him, things changed — and not for the better. He made you think things were going one way, and you just wound up going along with it until you got stuck where you are, and don't know how to get back out again.
It feels like you woke up from a terrible dream... until you realized you’re actually living the nightmare.
What’s happening here? Did you open your eyes and say to yourself: “Who is this guy anyway?” Do you keep thinking that this is not the same guy you
You’re Absolutely Right!
Remember when you made a vow to yourself that your marriage wouldn’t be like your best friend’s marriage? It was that day that she called you in tears to tell you that her Mr. Wonderful of 8 years (high school and college), put a ring on her finger, married her and then beat her on their honeymoon! You were speechless, shocked and helpless to help her.
You almost didn’t believe her, but then you reminded yourself that this was your BEST FRIEND!
You’ve known them as a couple for all of that time and you couldn’t remember any signs that it was anything but good love between them. How is that possible?
For you, it was going to be different. It was love at first site! It was magical!
IT WAS FANTASTIC!
He was definitely Mr. Charismatic! He oozed charm to you (and all the other women). You couldn’t help but want to love him, because that’s how he makes you feel.
Then, one day when you turned around, they stopped coming over? Now that you think about it, no one comes over anymore. You don’t go anywhere that he doesn’t want you to go, so you’ve lost a lot of friends over the years.
Mr. Charming is gone and all you’re left with, is him. Now you’re his personal Cinderella and he’s trapped you.
He verbally puts you down when you’re alone and even when you’re with others! It goes up and it goes down, over and over the same cycle of feelings: hope, disappointment, hurt, anger, lost.
IT FEELS CRAZY! YOU FEEL LIKE YOU’RE GOING CRAZY!
First, you have hopes that he’ll change because he promised you he would. Then, when he doesn’t, you’re disappointed again! Finally, when you share your feelings with him he turns everything on you and makes you feel responsible!
How come you didn’t see it coming? In the beginning it wasn’t even tangible. It started with a glance, a small word, a stare and the next thing you knew, you were living your life to make him happy –at your expense.
The more you tried to please him and do it his way, the more he found fault. For years your only priority has been to make him happy and feel supported. He just takes and takes... from you!
If he’s not happy, then you’re not happy. If he’s happy, then you’re happy but with a dash of fear that it’ll change on a dime (it usually does).
YOU DECIDED THE ANSWER WAS TO GIVE HIM MORE SO IT WOULD TURN OUT PERFECT!
The really hurtful part is that the more you gave to him, the less you kept for yourself!
In other words, you kept offering up EVERYTHING to him, your thoughts, your emotions, your hopes, your paycheck and then all of a sudden…it turned sour. Now you feel numb, confused, sad and angry.
Everyone else tells you how lucky you are to be married to someone so charming, intelligent and successful. They have no idea. You hear their words and see their smiles, but you can’t even wrap your head around what’s happening to your life!
Right now, the one thing you know for certain is that it won’t get any better. Beyond that, it’s all a blur. Your life is a composite of only two emotions: despair and fear.
STARTING NOW CHANGE YOUR THOUGHTS AND YOUR REALITY WILL CHANGE TOO!
Open your eyes, look within. Are you satisfied with the life you're living?”
― Bob Marley
Now is the time to make yourself a priority! If you’re tired rest for a bit. If you’re hungry feed yourself. If feel you need a hug give yourself a hug.
Start taking better care of yourself. Take a walk, or walk the dog a little longer. Talk to someone who is not in your circle of friends, go see a counselor, talk to someone you trust.
Courage is the most important of all the virtues because without courage, you can't practice any other virtue consistently.”
― Maya Angelou
DO YOU WANT A GUARANTEE?
Whatever you do, start inserting a new way of being and you’ll get a different deliverable outcome! Start showing up with a new attitude about life and higher level of hope for yourself (not him) and see how that feels. If you keep hobbling along doing the same thing over and over, nothing will ever change!
As soon as you start to change how you think about yourself and start investing some GOOD POSITIVE conversation with yourself, things will shift! First, you’ll need to start seeing him through a different lens (less hope and more reality). Remember, this is about YOU! This is about YOU changing, NOT HIM! This is about you investing your focus, your time, your money and your thoughts back in to your own well-being!
VOILA! First, you’ll probably notice that you feel lighter and more hopeful: your mood will lift and you might feel less anxious and overwhelmed. Then, as things become more clarified, you’ll find your path and the next steps that will lead you out of the darkness and into the light!